DINNER WITH DRACULA
by JOE VADALMA
Charles Winterbottom is an archeologist of the Indiana Jones sort, except that Winterbottom is a buffoon and a unrepentant womanizer. As Captain Sally, the commander of the spaceship that brought him to Mars has said on a couple of occasions, “Another fine mess you’ve gotten us into, Charlie.” Winterbottom’s colleague, Heinrich Schmidt, talks him into an expedition to Mars to find out the truth about the Cydonia area. After vigorous training as astronauts, Winterbottom, Schmidt and the crew of the Perceval blast off for Mars. The crew consists of Captain Sally Randy, commander and pilot; Plush Blue, medic, biology specialist and social scientist; Jack Dooper, science officer and navigator; and Larke, android chief engineer and maintenance. On the trip to Mars, there is a lot of hanky-panky. Winterbottom goes to the storeroom on occasion with Plush Blue, but loses her to Dooper, who is known as Super Dooper. He also strikes out with Captain Sally. They finally arrive at Mars and explore the Cydonia area. Larke claims that the Martians are transmitting to it. Winterbottom, Schmidt, Larke and Captain Sally stumble upon and are trapped in an underground catacomb. They are arrested by seven foot, green skinned Martian priests for desecrating a sacred place. They are brought to Princess Golygee for judgment. and are sentenced to be sacrificed to the demon god Azathoth... But you will have to read the rest of Winterbottom's misadvetures with Cthulhu, the Yeti Queen, the Dark Gods of Lemuria, And Other Terrifying Creatures of the Night for yourself! Especially his Dinner with the Lord of the Undead.